Fifteenth Shift.

*Beep* "Another shift Tourniquet? Hopefully today you'll find enough inner loathing to kill yourself eh?" The possessed time clock growls with a sneer towards Tourniquet.

"Sigh, every day here does tend to push me a tad closer..." Tourniquet grumbles and starts on his way, the guy behind him swiping his card to the leering time clock who simply smirks. "You're two minutes late today Leonard, Prepare to be euthanized." It cackles to a horror struck Leonard. "But It's only two minutes!"

Tourniquet rounds the corner as a bright flash of fire erupts and envelops Leonard in it's brilliant flame. His horrific screams echoing throughout the halls before quickly being consumed by the crackling of seared flesh and bone.

Upon exiting the employee's quarters and clipping his name tag onto his fraying shirt, Tourniquet realizes he's found himself amongst a throng of coworkers eerily muttering to each other whilst sneaking peeks out into the aisle beyond.

Slightly unnerved by this frightening display of the male hive mind, Tourniquet thus weaves his way through his riled coworkers until he eventually finds Cutter, conveniently placed at the forefront of the crowd with naught but a red cape and his stained underwear on.

"What the hell's going on over here Cutter? Didn't shift start a few minutes ago? And where the hell are your clothes? Did you sell them for booze again?" Cutter raises a scraggly finger to his chapped lips. "Silence my mediocre friend. For today is a special day..." He whispers with a smirk as Tourniquet furrows his brow, "Mediocre he says...."

Cutter quickly grabs him by the shoulders and yanks Tourniquet closer.

"Whoa dude, I'm not like that..." Tourniquet starts surprised and Cutter hits him upside the head. "LOOK." Cutter insists and leans Tourniquet out into the aisle. After a few seconds of flailing Tourniquet finally realizes what the big deal is.

New employees.

And they have boobs.

Fourteenth Shift.

Our trio of hapless heroes has found themselves within the company of Every Mart's heart. The beating core that gives this haunted effigy of such low prices it's power.

Lucky the Leperchaun.

Immediately, as faced with such incredulous ineptitude, Tourniquet throws his hands into the air, "Fuck this, I'm going home." He announces and turns to leave.

Cutter stops him and slowly turns him back towards Lucky, whose faces was slowly rotting off in large, meaty chunks.

"We have come for your wisdom O' mighty god of such belittling posture and strength." Cutter bows and kisses the peeling foot of Lucky.

Tourniquet feels his intestines squirm in disgust at this most vulgar display of negligent affection towards such a despicable creature.

Even more so were his qualms solidified the second Lucky opened his rotten skullcave.

"O' pitiful employee of such homicidal expectations, what is it that you wish to be informed upon courtesy the vast recesses of this intellectual mind?"

Cutter looks up with wide eyes, "O' honorless twig Tourniquet wishes to acquire the knowledge of who is that owns this such majestic land. It is he who wishes to know the identity of management."

Lucky nods ever so slightly, "O' humble worm, it would be-"

Tourniquet steps up, "Okay, now what the fuck is this?" He seethes with a bristling rage.

Lucky looks towards him as though Tourniquet had just backhanded him. "How dare you..." He begins to retort but Tourniquet cuts him off once more, "Oh shut up you pint sized keebler elf, I don't even WANT to be here, Cutter here had this brilliant idea that I actually wanted to KNOW this information, though I could actually care less! The thing was he's a sadistic nut with a tangent for ripping peoples heads off and using their bladders for cribbage!"

Tourniquet takes a quick glance towards Cutter, "I'm sorry mate but it's true." Cutter nods, "Don't worry, my last best friend said the same thing before I fashioned ear muffs out of his kidneys."

Turning back to Lucky, "So since I've just been dragged through Hell and back in a literal sense of the term, been forced to take part in this.... orgy of carnal insanity! Having watched Ear Ache give head to..... Hell if I fucking know what... I might as well just ask, Who the FUCK, is the owner of this FUCKING NUTHOUSE!?!?!?"

The unfortunate Leperchaun looks up at Tourniquet with fearful eyes, a slight squeak escaping his mouth, before finally finding his voice.

"Well... umm... if you put it that way, I guess I can just get to the point.... Umm... you see, the owner of Every Mart... Is none other than..."

Cutter strides over and shoves a splintered bone into Lucky's eye socket. Thus proceeding to kick it in with the sole of his heavy boot until an audible CRACK! causes the bone to explode out of the back of the Leperchaun's head in a spewing of blood, brain, and bone.

Tourniquet just stares at the mess before him, jaw hanging open. Arms useless at his sides. Cutter skips over to him. "Well, that was sure fun, we should start heading back though, I suddenly got me a hankering for lasagna!"

Thirteenth Shift

"I can't believe he ate him." Tourniquet gasps wide eyed, his mouth hanging open as he surveyed the sight before him.

The meatsack that had been assailing them was almost completely hollowed out. Lying motionless, devoured, before the satisfied Ear Ache, too busy smacking his lips to notice the horror on Tourniquet's face.

Cutter laughs, "Ear Ache has always had a large appetite, He ate almost half of the employee's at last year's company barbecue before management decided they should stop him."

Tourniquet looks at Cutter with huge eyes.

"Why didn't they stop him sooner?!?!" Tourniquet asks incredulously and Cutter smirks, "Hey, it meant more money in the office pool! That's always a good thing!"

Ear Ache staggers over. "Too much..." He moans and Tourniquet sighs,  "Are we going to finish this 'quest' soon? I'm fucking tired, and have a whole slew of new topics to talk to my therapist about, and Ear Ache looks like he might need some pepto soon..."

Cutter cracks a full fledged smile, "Of course! We're almost there!" And with that announcement he runs off, leaving Tourniquet and Ear Ache behind.

"Sometimes I wonder how he hasn't died yet. He seems like the type of person who'd stick his tongue in a light socket just to see if it would give him an idea..." Tourniquet starts after Cutter, with a sick Ear Ache in tow.

About a few yards later, they stumbled upon Cutter humping a door. A strange occurrence, but by noting Cutter's current IQ as well as the things he has done as of late, one would assume he had simply lost his last marble and has since confused his own genitalia for a key.

"Umm what are you doing?" Tourniquet asks carefully, and Cutter turns to him, "I'm trying to summon the Eldritch god that resides within this tomb. He is the one we have been looking for!"

Tourniquet nods slowly, "I see, and just what does intercourse with a door have to do with this equation?"

Cutter laughs, "Oh I just had an itch, now to summon this god, we need a human sacrifice."

Tourniquet steps back, "Oh my god..."

Cutter chuckles, "Just so happens I have Jimmy's left forearm on me." He pulls out the mangled limb from his back pocket and throws it at the door. It slaps against the side and spatters blood every which way before falling limply to the ground.

"Umm.... I was expecting something a tad more.... Impressive?" Tourniquet muses and suddenly the door bursts open and huge meaty claws burst forth from within, hundreds upon hundreds of meaty limbs poured forth from the entryway and slowly encased the area around the three employees within a vast cocoon of flesh and sinew.

"Holy.... fuck...." Tourniquet gasps slowly as finally, deep within the confines of the bloodied passageway, emerged a husk of man, draped in green, short and aptly chubby, a long grayed beard that mixed with twigs and marrow leaked forth from his chin.

Cutter squeals and throws open his arms, "Bow before the Heart of Every Mart! Lucky the Leperchaun!"

Twelfth Shift.

So seeing as the metaphorical shit has hit the metaphysical fan. Tourniquet, Cutter and Ear Ache were huddled behind a hollowed out corpse of what used to be a former employee.

The meatsack below them was busy tearing apart the landscape, eagerly searching for the three so to aptly eviscerate, devour, and assimilate their bodies into the mountainous pile of meat that makes up it's body.

Tourniquet was in a panic, whilst Cutter firmly believed they were safe.

Ear Ache was picking his nose.

"We should really be getting the fuck out of here before it finds us." Tourniquet pleads to Cutter, who shrugs, "What's the worry, it's not gonna find us. We're all the way up here."

Tourniquet peeks over the corpse and down at the terrifying beast that lurked voraciously below.

"All it has to do is look up..." He whimpers and Cutter chuckles, "Ha, don't worry yourself, Meatsacks are like dogs, they can't look up."

Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, "Dogs CAN look up though."

Cutter pushes him over and looks at Ear Ache. "Are you comfortable with your sexuality now my dear Ear Ache?" He asks and Tourniquet scrambles back to his feet. "Why even ask him that? He doesn't even know what's happening!"

Cutter looks at Tourniquet, "He just devoured half of meatsack's scrotum. Hence why we are in the current situation. Now considering he has just commited an act of obscenity in the form of something that can only be described as the deformed love child of Homosexuality, Bestiality, Necrophilia, Vulgarity, and Sodomy, I was merely curious as to how this may have affected him and his views upon where his sexual orientation now lay."

Tourniquet's eye twitches. "Yeeaaahhhh... If I could barely understand that, it's highly probable that's just going to make Ear Ache's head explode..."

The beast rocks the mountain they were currently occupying, sending the three hurdling backwards.

"Fuck this we NEED to fuckin MOVE!!!" Tourniquet seethes and Cutter nestles himself beside Ear Ache.

"Come on Tourney! Let's tell stories!" He squeals and Tourniquet growls, "Don't call me that....."

Reluctantly though, Tourniquet sits himself down across from the two. Tucking his legs beneath him and then glaring at Cutter.

"Now what?" He growls and Cutter smiles,  "While on the topic of sexual debauchery, We men are going to swap tales of our worst sexual exploits! In an attempt to outdo the other in a mock contest of sheer humility!"

Cutter glances at Ear Ache.

"So we obviously know Ear Ache's story... So your turn Tourney!" He gleams and Tourniquet glares at him with a stare that could liquefy bones.

After a long silence, and the inevitable realization that Cutter was obviously going to sit there with that idiotic smile on his face until he said something, Tourniquet sighs, and thus begins his story,

"So I used to have a girlfriend, a beautiful, smart, funny, angel of a love. I was obsessed, hopelessly obsessed with her. We hung out as friends for a while, eventually starting to go out, and inevitably we both ended up in the bedroom.

Now we were about six months into our relationship, and our bond was solidified through our undying love for another, so I trusted her with myself.

Now.... When I was a child, I walked in on my mother and stepfather commiting an act of intercourse. In short,

They were fucking.

But not like normal, they were wearing costumes and LARPing.

Now this moment was scarred upon my soul forever, and left an imprint that would never fade. And as odd as it sounds, this being the first time sexually pleasing a woman, I looked upon the experience for tips as to how to commit this act without looking like a complete fool.

Unfortunately, my parents were role playing the Lord of The Rings. And my stepfather had been proclaiming a mantra for his... 'sword'.

Now I... thought this was what you were supposed to do.

So lying upon her, assailing her naked bodice with kisses, I started to hum the theme from the Lord of The Rings.

And thusly, I propped myself atop her, and declared, 'In the beginning of time, God banished Lucifer to Hell for crafting a penis unlike any other. This penis, infused with all the power Hell has to offer, has never before been set free upon this mortal realm..... Until now.'

Alot of crying and twenty seconds later, my lover pushes me off and angrily climbs out of bed, throwing her clothes on while I watch her in shock and awe.

As she finished getting dressed and stomped to the door, she looked back at me, 'If that is the best Hell has to offer, I'm converting to christianity.'"

Tourniquet finishes his story to a stunned silence. Cutter staring at him with wide eyes, "And I thought my story about having three testicles was a winner...."

Eleventh Shift.

Deep within the bowels of the meat department. Tourniquet is led by an unstable Cutter towards an uncertain fate. Ear Ache bumbling behind the two.

"Look at all this meat..." Tourniquet looks around in amazement. "This Store is so freaking small, how the hell can the meat department be so damn big!?!" He wonders and Cutter glances back.

"Synergy dear Tourniquet. It's incredible what can happen when you inflict a horrific virus upon your employees and set them loose in a closed off section of the store."

Tourniquet looks at Cutter, "Is this the only place like this?" He asks and Cutter shakes his head, "You haven't even seen the perfume department yet..."

Ear Ache wanders up with something in his mouth. Chewing slowly and obviously enjoying himself. Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, mouth contorted in disgust.

"Umm... What are you eating?" He asks and Ear Ache smiles and bares his teeth, half chewed gobs of meat draping his teeth like small pink pustules.

"Bunnies." He replies cheerily.

Tourniquet looks to Cutter. "Knowing Ear Ache, I'm sure we don't want to know." Cutter says and turns back to the matter at hand.

"Look." He points and Tourniquet follows his hand towards the sight of an enormous castle crafted purely of meat and bone. Penetrating up from the ground like a broken bone through flesh.

Tourniquet's mouth hangs open. "Seriously, just how can this place be so fucking big?" He stammers and Cutter shrugs.

"Like I said, Synergy."

Out of the corner of his eye Tourniquet spots Ear Ache nomming on a large hunk of meat sticking out of yet another humongous pile of meat refuse.

"Ear Ache! Stop eating that leg! You have NO idea where that's things been!" He shouts and to his horror the mound starts to stir.

Ear Ache stumbles back confused as the pile of meat raises up from the ground, revealing the massive Meatsack that it truly was.

It's pair of massive, fleshy eyes roll open, it's face split apart by row upon row of razor sharp teeth. Standing upon it's massive four legs it stood taller than the three of them combined.

And the giant hunk of flesh Ear Ache had been steadily devouring was jutting out, it's position revealing what it really was.

The angered meatsack turns to the three of them with a vicious growl erupting from deep within it's throat. And as Tourniquet's bladder shriveled up in terror, Cutter simply nudges his shoulder, whispering "That wasn't a leg......"

Tenth Shift.

Even at first glance, the rusted doors that open up into the dreaded meat department sends a sense of foreboding  down the spines of any who dare look in it's general direction.

The effigy of all that sins. Damned there are those who've displeased the store's benefactors or have somehow stumbled upon sensitive information that they do not wish to have leaked to the public.

Those who become damned to spend their days within the meat department are cursed to become 'meatsacks'. Hollowed bestial creatures that are more meat than man.

The transformation process that afflicts the employees working in the meat department is known as 'The Meatening'. In which the victim's flesh melts off of their body and is replaced by refuse meat by products, usually to such a degree that they will double, even triple in size. Becoming monstrous behemoths with little left that would identify that it was once human.

They say the store's most darkest secrets are hidden away deep within the bowels of the meat department. And many who have wandered in there who doesn't work in that department are never seen again.

And so four brave (Or utterly stupid) employees set forth into this desolate land. Tourniquet, Ear Ache, Cutter and Jimmy. Together they will venture farther than any employee has gone before. and recover the secret to the most darkest secret this store has to offer!

And so we join our heroes as Tourniquet asks one very vital question.

"And WHY are we bringing Jimmy along with us again?" He asks with an annoyed look pasted upon his face. Cutter laughs, "Plot development of course!"

And with that suddenly a giant meaty arm bursts out from the depths of the mountainous pile of pig feet they were currently scaling, wrapping it's razored claws around poor Jimmy''s throat.

Jimmy simply squeaks in terror before being dragged towards the horrific death that obviously awaited him.

Silence....

Lastly Tourniquet speaks up, "Okay. Can we leave now? I need to go change the next six weeks of pants..."

Ninth Shift

Early into the shift, While hacking babies in half for the coming weekend's half off sale, Tourniquet notices a peculiar sight just out of the corner of his eye.

A man, tall, thin, imposing, was striding through the store on his way towards the Manager's office.

Simply looking at the man sent cold chills up Tourniquet's spinal cord, causing shivers to rack his body and goosebumps to explode all over his skin.

Ear Ache was banging his head against the wall next to him in an attempt to kill a fly that had long since flew away.

Tourniquet pokes his shoulder, "Ear Ache.... Ear Ache!"

Ear Ache stops bashing his skull against the slightly dented post and turns to look at Tourniquet, his eyeball slightly lolling.

"Bunnies?"

Tourniquet points at the man, "Who the hell is that guy?" He asks and Cutter walks out from the Barbie aisle.

"The guy is none other than the store proprietor's son. He comes in here every other week to check up on the going ons and seeing where we stand on the global market. He also likes the coffee here."

Tourniquet leans over to Ear Ache, "Since when has Cutter started hanging out with us?" He queries curiously and Ear Ache shrugs, "I don't really know, I just work here." He replies and Tourniquet nods.

After a second Tourniquet's eyes widen and he looks back at Ear Ache, "What did you just say?!?!?!?" He gasps and Ear Ache licks his eye, "Hehe bunnies." He giggles.

Cutter jumps right into Tourniquet's face, his long beakish nose barely scraping Tourniquet's.

"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHO OUR OWNER IS!?!?!?!?" He shrieks and Tourniquet stutters, "Umm...uhhh... not really..."

"DO YOU WANNA KNOW!?!?!?!?!" Cutter's eye twitches and leans in until they're eyes are barely touching.

"Okay okay okay I want to know." Tourniquet shouts, his heart beating out of his chest in fear.

Cutter stands tall with a triumphant smirk peeling apart his chapped lips. "Then we must hurry!" He shouts, "For this shift is short, and the journey before us shall be long and arduous!" Cutter theatrically raises his finger towards the sky, "Tonight we shall uncover the truth behind this store's deepest, darkest secrets!" He looks right into Tourniquet's eyes with such intensity, Tourniquet felt a few veins burst.

"Tonight, we journey into.......

The meat department."

Eighth Shift

Navigating through the maze-esque 'employee's only' area would reveal a faint voice. And following that faint voice to the source would reveal the meating room, where most of the graveyard shift were perched sleepily upon rickety chairs, their attention somewhat aimed towards the voice speaking clearly and loudly before them.

The manager was showing schematics for current sales and holiday predictions ratios. While also including official statements inciting the following callbacks for potentially harmless items.

But right now, the manager was introducing the new repertoire of items that Ever Mart has excitedly added to it's many rusting shelves.

"Now employees, this next item is a particular favorite," the manager explains and holds up a small packet reminiscent of Kool-Aid packets.

"This is Dryer's Brand Powdered Water." She introduces with an extravagant hand gesture.

Tourniquet's eyebrow raises and his hand is thrust high into the air.

The manager, already having gotten used to Tourniquet's obviously mentally challenged questions, simply sighed, "Yes Tourniquet?"

"Umm yeah, exactly how does the whole 'powdered water' thing work?" Tourniquet asks with squinted eyes and the manager smiles, "Good question, now all you got to do is add water!" She declares.

Even Ear Ache was scratching his head. "Powdered water..... just add water.... to get.... water?" He stutters and his eye twitch's. Tourniquet pats his shoulder, "Your power of understanding is baffling my dear friend."

Unperturbed, the manager sets the item aside and grabs the next one.

"Now this next addition is extremely nifty." she begins.

"And by 'nifty' you mean 'completely useless'?" Tourniquet asks and the manager just looks at him a long, uncomfortable moment before finally continuing.

"Now this," She holds up a box of what could most probably be a box of tissues. "Is Flem's Brand Edible Tissues. Extremely useful when you blow your nose and then realize that there is no waste basket around!"

This time Cutter is forced to raise his hand.

"Yes Cutter?" She asks warily and he stands up.

"I'm making bagels." He announces proudly.

Silence.

"Umm....... okay....... Now this last item is an amazing invention." She holds up a small microwave dinner. "Behold! The newest innovation to quick and easy meals for home! Self-Chewing Food!" She proclaims and many are in shock and awe.

With Tourniquet's hand was waving like a helicopter blade in the back.

"Grrr, what is it THIS TIME Tourniquet?" She spits venomously and the shaking Tourniquet stands up, "Can I ask what the advertising is going to be?"

The manager blushes, "Well, it's still in need of improvement, but for now the ad will say 'Cummin's Brand Self-Chewing Micro Meals' with the slogan, 'All you've got to do is swallow'."

Tourniquet just stands there.

"I...... really don't need to say anything do I? It sort of condemns itself doesn't it?" He says, slightly lost.

Suddenly the fire alarms start blaring and smoke begins to billow in from the other room. Cutter bounces to his feet with a gleeful laugh, "Bagels are done!"

Seventh Shift.

Tourniquet was taking a delightful stroll through the store during one of his ill-gotten breaks.

"Ear Ache will be fine handling that box compactor by himself. I mean how complicated could it possibly be for him?" Tourniquet thinks to himself.

He stops in his tracks as an enormous explosion erupts behind him.

The intercom comes to life in a panic.

"Emergency in the compactor room! Emergency in the compactor room! Seriously who the fuck tries to make a grilled cheese with propane tanks and a compactor?!?!?! Emergency in the compactor room!"

Tourniquet adds a little more speed to his steps and starts heading away from the commotion. And instead stumbles upon Cutter greeting people at the front door.

"Hello there little girl..." He coos at the child who giggles. "Would you like some candy?" He smiles happily and the little five year nods excitedly.

Cutter's smile degrades and falls off to reveal his rage stricken face and he takes one deep, long breath,

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He roars into her face. "Go buy your own fucking candy you snot nosed FREAK!"

The little girl just stares at him slack jawed for a second before bursting into tears and running after her mother who wasn't bothered by the incident one bit.

Tourniquet walks up and gives Cutter a disdained look. "Picking on little kids again?" He asks and Cutter smiles innocently.

"They're so much fun. I stuck a kid in soda machine earlier and made his sister spend seventy-five cents to have him dispensed." He proudly says and Tourniquet shakes his head.

"Sometimes I wonder why they haven't carted you out of here yet." He muses and Cutter's face splits open in a malicious smile. "Oh they tried. But I nibbled off the straight-jacket peoples toes and drove the ambulance into the side of a Denny's. They haven't tried again since..." He chuckles.

Tourniquet raises an eyebrow. "They said that was a terrorist attack....."

Suddenly Cutter's jaw drops and his eyes center upon a doctor entering the store. "YOU!!!" Cutter screams and rushes forward, throwing his weight into pinning the man into the wall.

"What the hell?!?!" the man shouts and Cutter screams the intro to the twilight zone. Tourniquet runs up beside him. "Dude what are you doing!?" He shouts and Cutter's head twists around to face him. "It's HIM Tourney, it's HIM!" He screams and Tourniquet grimaces. "Please don't call me that." he replies sourly

"Seriously guys this is NOT proper customer service!" The man squeaks and Cutter focuses upon him again, "Silence you asylum spy!!!!" He roars and the man looks at him quizzically. "What?"

Tourniquet looks between the two of them. "This is better than television." He chuckles.

"I'm not a spy!" The man screams and Cutter rolls his eyes. "Yeeeaaaah right, that's what the last guy said." Tourniquet leans in and whispers, "Umm the last guy was telling the truth..."

"Yeah!... Well this isn't that guy! Isn't that right..... Jimmy!?!?" Cutter screams and aptly rips the man's head off, expecting it to be a mask.

Blood explodes everywhere in a horrific flood and continues to spurt out as the head is completely severed from the body.Cutter grows silent and releases his grip, letting the body and head to fall lifeless to the ground, still oozing rivers of blood.

A moment of terrified silence ensues.

"........umm. I don't think that was..." Tourniquet trails off and Cutter sighs, "Dammit not again...."

Sixth Shift

Tourniquet was standing idly by the front door, anxiously awaiting Ear Ache to arrive so that they can start yet another night's work.

The static consumed intercom wheezes to life, "Can I get the manager to Sporting goods. Manager to sporting goods. Also, John Benjamin, the baby's yours."

As a horrified scream echoes through the store, Tourniquet sees Ear Ache being dropped off by his father, the eccentric Doctor Prostate.

The Doctor was a tiny little goblin compared to the behemoth that was somehow Ear Ache. He barely stood passed his creation's waist.

"Family eh?" Cutter says suddenly and Tourniquet feels his heart explode out of his eyes. Yet somehow he miraculously remained completely still in front of the madman.

Ear Ache hugs his father goodbye before stumbling on over and taking his place next to Tourniquet like a strange, eight hundred pound, hairless puppy while Tourniquet shrugs, "Never had one."

Then looking at Cutter, he continues, "You?" Cutter thinks for a moment, "Had a mother." He says and Tourniquet waits a long moment before realizing Cutter wasn't going to continue.

"And?..." he asks.

"Well apparently she wanted me to stay awake twenty four hours a day, reply to heinous texts from my sleep, cut off my dick, become a girl, quit my job, share her exact same beliefs, stay at home, and sit around the house all day ranting about the evils of men while scrapbooking and religiously watching The View."

Tourniquet's eyes widen. "Wow...." and almost too afraid to ask... "What did you do?"

Cutter smiles that wicked smile, "I cut her head off and used it as a makeshift lantern for when I explore the meat department." 

Tourniquet stands there at a complete loss for words.

"Wanna see it?" Cutter then asks eagerly. "Umm no thanks." Tourniquet replies quickly. "Heh, your loss." Cutter chuckles and then wanders off on his merry, insane, way.

"I like The View." Ear Ache smiles.

Fifth Shift.

The first rays of sunlight were peeking just above the jagged horizon. Eating away at the edges of the quickly retreating darkness, and replacing it with the first decrepit rays of light.

Victims were starting to pour in by the masses. Taking the dreary new day in stride to complete errands of all shapes and sizes.

And all the employees were slowly finishing up the last of their tasks and shuffling off to clock out, and thusly head home to the comfort of their cozy coffins.

Tourniquet and Ear Ache were two such employees. Shambling towards that rusty old timeclock that hung ever so loosely from the wormy wall it was impaled too.

Unfortunately, a horrid sound did thus strike their ears, piercing their eardrums with the high pitched squeals emanating from a young baby's mouth as it was fruitlessly being shook and cooed at by it's mother.

This horrific event drug on from seconds into minutes before lasting the apparent father walks up and sticks his thumb in the thing's mouth.

"See that is why I don't ever want to have children..." Tourniquet says with a scowl.

A passing employee smiles a straggle tooth  grin, "That's why I eat 'em."

Tourniquet smirks. "That too." And continues on his way with Ear Ache somehow getting lost in the women's intimates department.

"He'll be fine." Tourniquet says to himself before an ear splitting shriek sounds out behind him and he adds a bit more speed to his steps.

Moments later, and obvious incident diverted, Tourniquet smiles at himself as he finally clocks out after a long hard night of work and starts looking forward to the comfort of his cozy coffin.

With a flick of his wrist he throws on his cloak and thus turns to leave.

But before him stood a scraggly looking man. His eyes staring directly at Tourniquet, completely devoid of any life or competence.

Unnerved, Tourniquet then realizes the man's lips were moving...

"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave..."

Tourniquet's eyes widen, his heart rate quickening with each frightened breath, "I... I can't?" He gasps.

The man blinks in surprise, then pops out his earphones, the sounds of the Eagles obviously emanating from the minuscule speakers, "Did you say something?"

Fourth Shift.

"It is a fun fact that during the holidays, sales within the suicide department spike drastically. Hence why we tend to assign more employees to stock that section during those months."

Employee meatings...

Tourniquet tries not to snore as he drifts in and out of sleep, caught between this heinous reality, and being snugly set between two very fine ghouls in dreamland.

Ear Ache bumbles up next to him. Stopping and then staring at him intently.

A long moment transpires...

"Whaaaaat?" Tourniquet grumbles and Ear Ache leans into his ear, "I can hear my hair moving...."

Tourniquet sighs, "Good for you." Then drifts back off into thought before furrowing his brow, "But Ear Ache... You don't even have hair..."

A raspy, unsettling breath replies "exactly..."

Tourniquet curiously opens an eye and casts it's stare over at Ear Ache to reveal a struggling raccoon duct taped to his head.

".... I.... I just.... I can't...." He stammers, at a loss for words and Ear Ache smiles that disturbing, toothy grin.

The manager continues unperturbed, "We consist of 665 hard working employees that span a wide variety of jobs and positions with Every-Mart..."

Tourniquet's ears perk up at that comment and his hand is thrust high into the air, "Why not hire one more person?" He laughs with that mischievous smirk playing like a playground full of demons across his face.

The manager scowls, "Every-Mart is a family oriented place, and we do not want people to start thinking that we have affiliations to Hell or Satan. Now let's wrap this meeting up I need you to go restock the crucifixes in the toy department, we're running low."

Third Shift.

The store was bustling with un-life as employees and victims alike shuffled around hopelessly aimed at completing the pitiful tasks set before them.

From collecting groceries to organizing shelves not one soul was saved.

Meanwhile overhead, the static ridden intercom crackles to life.

"Attention victims, if you own the blood stained minivan with the baby strapped to the tailgate, you left your lights on."

Tourniquet snickers, who in their right mind would have their lights on in the first place?

Now Tourniquet returns to unpacking an ungodly amount of toilet paper with Ear Ache miraculously assisting him.

From out of the corner of his eye he spies a victim rolling her hearse haphazardly down the aisle towards them.

She reaches out a clawed talon and picks up a particular brand.

"Angel soft.... such a sickening name..." She spits and crinkles her nose in disgust.

"Well the name helps promote what your arse will feel like after you use it." Tourniquet informs her wearily.

"Well couldn't they have used something a little less... holy?" She replies sourly and Tourniquet shrugs.

"Well what would you like it to be called? Arse Rape?" Tourniquet chuckles and mocks making a call, "Hey hun, can you get Arse Rape on the way home? haha."

The ghoul stays utterly silent in response to his utter stupidity.

"Hey come on that was funny! Right Ear Ache?" Ear Ache looks intently at Tourniquet, one eye slowly trailing off to the side. "Heheh, Bunnehs." He responds happily.

Tourniquet looks back at the ghoul, "Umm yeah, I like to assume that he's saying yes..."

Second Shift.

The lack of employees working the floor was one of many signs that the lunch hour had commenced with full force.

The majority of employees were huddled close together like rotting sardines in a too-small lunch room. Exchanging the latest gossip or casting off colored jokes around like cheap confetti.

Meanwhile, Tourniquet had taken to inhabiting the electronics department.

Knowing that he was now on the verge of owning money again, Tourniquet found himself standing in the videogame aisle, during lunch, looking over all the games he wanted and whispering "Soon my pretties...."

Suddenly a commotion from the aisle over catches his attention and he finds himself drawn towards the noise.

Standing before him was Cutter. A man of such insane repute you'd wonder how he even managed to get through the front door of this strict establishment.

Some sources claim that he does not even work in Every-Mart. But in fact he is an escapee from the nearby insane asylum who's made this damned place his home.

If he's not screaming at innocent victims, sleeping in public restrooms, or loading shelves, you can usually find him wandering the aisles, stroking his razor knife whispering "I like pointy things..."

Now the situation at hand was a strange one, Cutter stood dramatically before two remorseful teen beauties. They had nothing about them that would make them out to be the cause of such a conflict.

Except for they weren't wearing shoes.

"No shirt. No shoes. NO SERVICE!!!!!!" Cutter shrieks and points a long ragged finger at the two shoeless ghouls.

The pretty one with raven hair smirks, "Who needs shoes when we've got boobs?"

Her blonde companion nods in eager agreement.

Cutter just stands there, mouth hanging open, looking like an idiot in the face of such smooth retaliation.

Tourniquet slowly reaches out and pokes Cutter's arm, his eyes cemented upon the raven beauty's chest.

"Dude.... They're not kidding..."

First Shift.

"Here at Every-Mart, we strive to provide our victims with everything they could possibly need for any and all occasions. Hence or slogan,  Your Every Need For Your Every Deed." The many low hanging televisions proclaim audibly while the screens emit pictures of horrific sales and subliminal messaging.

Meanwhile Tourniquet stares adamantly at the cockroach skittering amongst the potato salad in the window of the Deli Department, imagining the delightful feeling of ripping off it's legs one by one...

Suddenly a fist slams down upon the insect, crushing it beneath it's weight and spraying it's juices upon the rest of the potato salad.

The employee responsible then raises his bug-spattered fist and smiles and, leaving the defiled potato salad untouched, walks away, licking the remains of the roach from off his putrid claw.

Tourniquet sighs and turns back to his current task.

Now Tourniquet was loading the shelves of the paper department with many miscellaneous bath tissues and toiletries, making sure they looked nice, disposing the emptied boxes and then starting the process again on the next shelf.

Rather repetitious. But it's better than janitorial.... Those bathrooms......

Being his first night though, Tourniquet had been paired up with another, more experienced(?), employee.

And he was known only as Ear-Ache, because he always had a pair of headphones on his head that amplified his rapidly deteriorating hearing... or because he couldn't finish a proper sentence without trailing off on the subject of bunnies or truffles...

Seriously what goes on in that head?

Unfortunately Tourniquet was never the sociable or befriending type.

He had always been the more alienated, black sheep of the community.

So Ear-Ache, as maddening as he was, was Tourniquet's only shadow of a friend here in Every-Mart.

Orientation.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."

Drool hung idly from Tourniquet's half open mouth. The words spewing from the manager's mouth wandering in one ear and falling out the other.

He and six others sat in uncomfortable metal husks of chairs, the table before them littered with countless forms and waivers, everything lit up in excruiatingly painful flourescence, providing even more pain to the already torturous atmosphere.

"Blah blah blah blah blah."

The words skittering around Tournequet's mind like headless roaches. A quick glance around the dismal room provided the sight that the other five people weren't fairing well either. One was picking his nose. Another scarwling violent words across his paperwork. And another was pulling her teeth out. 

Nobody was safe from this barrage of mental corrosion.

Tourniquet feels a nudge from behind, pulling his attention away from the slow and agonizing death and hopefully into the throes of a subject at least even an iota more interesting.

The man who nudged him was looking at him with feverish eyes. Accentuated only by apparent lifetime of acne scars that made his face home.

"Do you even understand what half of this witch is babbling about? He whispers with an almost ghostly voice.

Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, curious, the thing CAN speak. More astonishing is the fact that he can understand the human language...

"Not at all." was Tourniquet's curt reply.

The man's face slit open with a wolfish grin.

"At least she's hot. Gives me something else to think about while I sit here..." He chuckles and Tourniquet's mouth is distorted with disgust.

What looks like a pig, smells like a pig, and talks like a pig, probably is a pig.

"Blah blah blah blah blah."

A rather ghoulish character sitting across from Tourniquet finally snaps. Screaming, he pulls out a gun, shoves it in his mouth, and aptly proceeds to blow his brains out in a cascading rainbow of reds, blacks and gore.

Speckled with blood, the manager continues, "Blah blah blah and with that let me be the first to welcome you to Every-Mart!"