Fourteenth Shift.

Our trio of hapless heroes has found themselves within the company of Every Mart's heart. The beating core that gives this haunted effigy of such low prices it's power.

Lucky the Leperchaun.

Immediately, as faced with such incredulous ineptitude, Tourniquet throws his hands into the air, "Fuck this, I'm going home." He announces and turns to leave.

Cutter stops him and slowly turns him back towards Lucky, whose faces was slowly rotting off in large, meaty chunks.

"We have come for your wisdom O' mighty god of such belittling posture and strength." Cutter bows and kisses the peeling foot of Lucky.

Tourniquet feels his intestines squirm in disgust at this most vulgar display of negligent affection towards such a despicable creature.

Even more so were his qualms solidified the second Lucky opened his rotten skullcave.

"O' pitiful employee of such homicidal expectations, what is it that you wish to be informed upon courtesy the vast recesses of this intellectual mind?"

Cutter looks up with wide eyes, "O' honorless twig Tourniquet wishes to acquire the knowledge of who is that owns this such majestic land. It is he who wishes to know the identity of management."

Lucky nods ever so slightly, "O' humble worm, it would be-"

Tourniquet steps up, "Okay, now what the fuck is this?" He seethes with a bristling rage.

Lucky looks towards him as though Tourniquet had just backhanded him. "How dare you..." He begins to retort but Tourniquet cuts him off once more, "Oh shut up you pint sized keebler elf, I don't even WANT to be here, Cutter here had this brilliant idea that I actually wanted to KNOW this information, though I could actually care less! The thing was he's a sadistic nut with a tangent for ripping peoples heads off and using their bladders for cribbage!"

Tourniquet takes a quick glance towards Cutter, "I'm sorry mate but it's true." Cutter nods, "Don't worry, my last best friend said the same thing before I fashioned ear muffs out of his kidneys."

Turning back to Lucky, "So since I've just been dragged through Hell and back in a literal sense of the term, been forced to take part in this.... orgy of carnal insanity! Having watched Ear Ache give head to..... Hell if I fucking know what... I might as well just ask, Who the FUCK, is the owner of this FUCKING NUTHOUSE!?!?!?"

The unfortunate Leperchaun looks up at Tourniquet with fearful eyes, a slight squeak escaping his mouth, before finally finding his voice.

"Well... umm... if you put it that way, I guess I can just get to the point.... Umm... you see, the owner of Every Mart... Is none other than..."

Cutter strides over and shoves a splintered bone into Lucky's eye socket. Thus proceeding to kick it in with the sole of his heavy boot until an audible CRACK! causes the bone to explode out of the back of the Leperchaun's head in a spewing of blood, brain, and bone.

Tourniquet just stares at the mess before him, jaw hanging open. Arms useless at his sides. Cutter skips over to him. "Well, that was sure fun, we should start heading back though, I suddenly got me a hankering for lasagna!"

Thirteenth Shift

"I can't believe he ate him." Tourniquet gasps wide eyed, his mouth hanging open as he surveyed the sight before him.

The meatsack that had been assailing them was almost completely hollowed out. Lying motionless, devoured, before the satisfied Ear Ache, too busy smacking his lips to notice the horror on Tourniquet's face.

Cutter laughs, "Ear Ache has always had a large appetite, He ate almost half of the employee's at last year's company barbecue before management decided they should stop him."

Tourniquet looks at Cutter with huge eyes.

"Why didn't they stop him sooner?!?!" Tourniquet asks incredulously and Cutter smirks, "Hey, it meant more money in the office pool! That's always a good thing!"

Ear Ache staggers over. "Too much..." He moans and Tourniquet sighs,  "Are we going to finish this 'quest' soon? I'm fucking tired, and have a whole slew of new topics to talk to my therapist about, and Ear Ache looks like he might need some pepto soon..."

Cutter cracks a full fledged smile, "Of course! We're almost there!" And with that announcement he runs off, leaving Tourniquet and Ear Ache behind.

"Sometimes I wonder how he hasn't died yet. He seems like the type of person who'd stick his tongue in a light socket just to see if it would give him an idea..." Tourniquet starts after Cutter, with a sick Ear Ache in tow.

About a few yards later, they stumbled upon Cutter humping a door. A strange occurrence, but by noting Cutter's current IQ as well as the things he has done as of late, one would assume he had simply lost his last marble and has since confused his own genitalia for a key.

"Umm what are you doing?" Tourniquet asks carefully, and Cutter turns to him, "I'm trying to summon the Eldritch god that resides within this tomb. He is the one we have been looking for!"

Tourniquet nods slowly, "I see, and just what does intercourse with a door have to do with this equation?"

Cutter laughs, "Oh I just had an itch, now to summon this god, we need a human sacrifice."

Tourniquet steps back, "Oh my god..."

Cutter chuckles, "Just so happens I have Jimmy's left forearm on me." He pulls out the mangled limb from his back pocket and throws it at the door. It slaps against the side and spatters blood every which way before falling limply to the ground.

"Umm.... I was expecting something a tad more.... Impressive?" Tourniquet muses and suddenly the door bursts open and huge meaty claws burst forth from within, hundreds upon hundreds of meaty limbs poured forth from the entryway and slowly encased the area around the three employees within a vast cocoon of flesh and sinew.

"Holy.... fuck...." Tourniquet gasps slowly as finally, deep within the confines of the bloodied passageway, emerged a husk of man, draped in green, short and aptly chubby, a long grayed beard that mixed with twigs and marrow leaked forth from his chin.

Cutter squeals and throws open his arms, "Bow before the Heart of Every Mart! Lucky the Leperchaun!"

Twelfth Shift.

So seeing as the metaphorical shit has hit the metaphysical fan. Tourniquet, Cutter and Ear Ache were huddled behind a hollowed out corpse of what used to be a former employee.

The meatsack below them was busy tearing apart the landscape, eagerly searching for the three so to aptly eviscerate, devour, and assimilate their bodies into the mountainous pile of meat that makes up it's body.

Tourniquet was in a panic, whilst Cutter firmly believed they were safe.

Ear Ache was picking his nose.

"We should really be getting the fuck out of here before it finds us." Tourniquet pleads to Cutter, who shrugs, "What's the worry, it's not gonna find us. We're all the way up here."

Tourniquet peeks over the corpse and down at the terrifying beast that lurked voraciously below.

"All it has to do is look up..." He whimpers and Cutter chuckles, "Ha, don't worry yourself, Meatsacks are like dogs, they can't look up."

Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, "Dogs CAN look up though."

Cutter pushes him over and looks at Ear Ache. "Are you comfortable with your sexuality now my dear Ear Ache?" He asks and Tourniquet scrambles back to his feet. "Why even ask him that? He doesn't even know what's happening!"

Cutter looks at Tourniquet, "He just devoured half of meatsack's scrotum. Hence why we are in the current situation. Now considering he has just commited an act of obscenity in the form of something that can only be described as the deformed love child of Homosexuality, Bestiality, Necrophilia, Vulgarity, and Sodomy, I was merely curious as to how this may have affected him and his views upon where his sexual orientation now lay."

Tourniquet's eye twitches. "Yeeaaahhhh... If I could barely understand that, it's highly probable that's just going to make Ear Ache's head explode..."

The beast rocks the mountain they were currently occupying, sending the three hurdling backwards.

"Fuck this we NEED to fuckin MOVE!!!" Tourniquet seethes and Cutter nestles himself beside Ear Ache.

"Come on Tourney! Let's tell stories!" He squeals and Tourniquet growls, "Don't call me that....."

Reluctantly though, Tourniquet sits himself down across from the two. Tucking his legs beneath him and then glaring at Cutter.

"Now what?" He growls and Cutter smiles,  "While on the topic of sexual debauchery, We men are going to swap tales of our worst sexual exploits! In an attempt to outdo the other in a mock contest of sheer humility!"

Cutter glances at Ear Ache.

"So we obviously know Ear Ache's story... So your turn Tourney!" He gleams and Tourniquet glares at him with a stare that could liquefy bones.

After a long silence, and the inevitable realization that Cutter was obviously going to sit there with that idiotic smile on his face until he said something, Tourniquet sighs, and thus begins his story,

"So I used to have a girlfriend, a beautiful, smart, funny, angel of a love. I was obsessed, hopelessly obsessed with her. We hung out as friends for a while, eventually starting to go out, and inevitably we both ended up in the bedroom.

Now we were about six months into our relationship, and our bond was solidified through our undying love for another, so I trusted her with myself.

Now.... When I was a child, I walked in on my mother and stepfather commiting an act of intercourse. In short,

They were fucking.

But not like normal, they were wearing costumes and LARPing.

Now this moment was scarred upon my soul forever, and left an imprint that would never fade. And as odd as it sounds, this being the first time sexually pleasing a woman, I looked upon the experience for tips as to how to commit this act without looking like a complete fool.

Unfortunately, my parents were role playing the Lord of The Rings. And my stepfather had been proclaiming a mantra for his... 'sword'.

Now I... thought this was what you were supposed to do.

So lying upon her, assailing her naked bodice with kisses, I started to hum the theme from the Lord of The Rings.

And thusly, I propped myself atop her, and declared, 'In the beginning of time, God banished Lucifer to Hell for crafting a penis unlike any other. This penis, infused with all the power Hell has to offer, has never before been set free upon this mortal realm..... Until now.'

Alot of crying and twenty seconds later, my lover pushes me off and angrily climbs out of bed, throwing her clothes on while I watch her in shock and awe.

As she finished getting dressed and stomped to the door, she looked back at me, 'If that is the best Hell has to offer, I'm converting to christianity.'"

Tourniquet finishes his story to a stunned silence. Cutter staring at him with wide eyes, "And I thought my story about having three testicles was a winner...."

Eleventh Shift.

Deep within the bowels of the meat department. Tourniquet is led by an unstable Cutter towards an uncertain fate. Ear Ache bumbling behind the two.

"Look at all this meat..." Tourniquet looks around in amazement. "This Store is so freaking small, how the hell can the meat department be so damn big!?!" He wonders and Cutter glances back.

"Synergy dear Tourniquet. It's incredible what can happen when you inflict a horrific virus upon your employees and set them loose in a closed off section of the store."

Tourniquet looks at Cutter, "Is this the only place like this?" He asks and Cutter shakes his head, "You haven't even seen the perfume department yet..."

Ear Ache wanders up with something in his mouth. Chewing slowly and obviously enjoying himself. Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, mouth contorted in disgust.

"Umm... What are you eating?" He asks and Ear Ache smiles and bares his teeth, half chewed gobs of meat draping his teeth like small pink pustules.

"Bunnies." He replies cheerily.

Tourniquet looks to Cutter. "Knowing Ear Ache, I'm sure we don't want to know." Cutter says and turns back to the matter at hand.

"Look." He points and Tourniquet follows his hand towards the sight of an enormous castle crafted purely of meat and bone. Penetrating up from the ground like a broken bone through flesh.

Tourniquet's mouth hangs open. "Seriously, just how can this place be so fucking big?" He stammers and Cutter shrugs.

"Like I said, Synergy."

Out of the corner of his eye Tourniquet spots Ear Ache nomming on a large hunk of meat sticking out of yet another humongous pile of meat refuse.

"Ear Ache! Stop eating that leg! You have NO idea where that's things been!" He shouts and to his horror the mound starts to stir.

Ear Ache stumbles back confused as the pile of meat raises up from the ground, revealing the massive Meatsack that it truly was.

It's pair of massive, fleshy eyes roll open, it's face split apart by row upon row of razor sharp teeth. Standing upon it's massive four legs it stood taller than the three of them combined.

And the giant hunk of flesh Ear Ache had been steadily devouring was jutting out, it's position revealing what it really was.

The angered meatsack turns to the three of them with a vicious growl erupting from deep within it's throat. And as Tourniquet's bladder shriveled up in terror, Cutter simply nudges his shoulder, whispering "That wasn't a leg......"