Twelfth Shift.

So seeing as the metaphorical shit has hit the metaphysical fan. Tourniquet, Cutter and Ear Ache were huddled behind a hollowed out corpse of what used to be a former employee.

The meatsack below them was busy tearing apart the landscape, eagerly searching for the three so to aptly eviscerate, devour, and assimilate their bodies into the mountainous pile of meat that makes up it's body.

Tourniquet was in a panic, whilst Cutter firmly believed they were safe.

Ear Ache was picking his nose.

"We should really be getting the fuck out of here before it finds us." Tourniquet pleads to Cutter, who shrugs, "What's the worry, it's not gonna find us. We're all the way up here."

Tourniquet peeks over the corpse and down at the terrifying beast that lurked voraciously below.

"All it has to do is look up..." He whimpers and Cutter chuckles, "Ha, don't worry yourself, Meatsacks are like dogs, they can't look up."

Tourniquet raises an eyebrow, "Dogs CAN look up though."

Cutter pushes him over and looks at Ear Ache. "Are you comfortable with your sexuality now my dear Ear Ache?" He asks and Tourniquet scrambles back to his feet. "Why even ask him that? He doesn't even know what's happening!"

Cutter looks at Tourniquet, "He just devoured half of meatsack's scrotum. Hence why we are in the current situation. Now considering he has just commited an act of obscenity in the form of something that can only be described as the deformed love child of Homosexuality, Bestiality, Necrophilia, Vulgarity, and Sodomy, I was merely curious as to how this may have affected him and his views upon where his sexual orientation now lay."

Tourniquet's eye twitches. "Yeeaaahhhh... If I could barely understand that, it's highly probable that's just going to make Ear Ache's head explode..."

The beast rocks the mountain they were currently occupying, sending the three hurdling backwards.

"Fuck this we NEED to fuckin MOVE!!!" Tourniquet seethes and Cutter nestles himself beside Ear Ache.

"Come on Tourney! Let's tell stories!" He squeals and Tourniquet growls, "Don't call me that....."

Reluctantly though, Tourniquet sits himself down across from the two. Tucking his legs beneath him and then glaring at Cutter.

"Now what?" He growls and Cutter smiles,  "While on the topic of sexual debauchery, We men are going to swap tales of our worst sexual exploits! In an attempt to outdo the other in a mock contest of sheer humility!"

Cutter glances at Ear Ache.

"So we obviously know Ear Ache's story... So your turn Tourney!" He gleams and Tourniquet glares at him with a stare that could liquefy bones.

After a long silence, and the inevitable realization that Cutter was obviously going to sit there with that idiotic smile on his face until he said something, Tourniquet sighs, and thus begins his story,

"So I used to have a girlfriend, a beautiful, smart, funny, angel of a love. I was obsessed, hopelessly obsessed with her. We hung out as friends for a while, eventually starting to go out, and inevitably we both ended up in the bedroom.

Now we were about six months into our relationship, and our bond was solidified through our undying love for another, so I trusted her with myself.

Now.... When I was a child, I walked in on my mother and stepfather commiting an act of intercourse. In short,

They were fucking.

But not like normal, they were wearing costumes and LARPing.

Now this moment was scarred upon my soul forever, and left an imprint that would never fade. And as odd as it sounds, this being the first time sexually pleasing a woman, I looked upon the experience for tips as to how to commit this act without looking like a complete fool.

Unfortunately, my parents were role playing the Lord of The Rings. And my stepfather had been proclaiming a mantra for his... 'sword'.

Now I... thought this was what you were supposed to do.

So lying upon her, assailing her naked bodice with kisses, I started to hum the theme from the Lord of The Rings.

And thusly, I propped myself atop her, and declared, 'In the beginning of time, God banished Lucifer to Hell for crafting a penis unlike any other. This penis, infused with all the power Hell has to offer, has never before been set free upon this mortal realm..... Until now.'

Alot of crying and twenty seconds later, my lover pushes me off and angrily climbs out of bed, throwing her clothes on while I watch her in shock and awe.

As she finished getting dressed and stomped to the door, she looked back at me, 'If that is the best Hell has to offer, I'm converting to christianity.'"

Tourniquet finishes his story to a stunned silence. Cutter staring at him with wide eyes, "And I thought my story about having three testicles was a winner...."