Eighth Shift

Navigating through the maze-esque 'employee's only' area would reveal a faint voice. And following that faint voice to the source would reveal the meating room, where most of the graveyard shift were perched sleepily upon rickety chairs, their attention somewhat aimed towards the voice speaking clearly and loudly before them.

The manager was showing schematics for current sales and holiday predictions ratios. While also including official statements inciting the following callbacks for potentially harmless items.

But right now, the manager was introducing the new repertoire of items that Ever Mart has excitedly added to it's many rusting shelves.

"Now employees, this next item is a particular favorite," the manager explains and holds up a small packet reminiscent of Kool-Aid packets.

"This is Dryer's Brand Powdered Water." She introduces with an extravagant hand gesture.

Tourniquet's eyebrow raises and his hand is thrust high into the air.

The manager, already having gotten used to Tourniquet's obviously mentally challenged questions, simply sighed, "Yes Tourniquet?"

"Umm yeah, exactly how does the whole 'powdered water' thing work?" Tourniquet asks with squinted eyes and the manager smiles, "Good question, now all you got to do is add water!" She declares.

Even Ear Ache was scratching his head. "Powdered water..... just add water.... to get.... water?" He stutters and his eye twitch's. Tourniquet pats his shoulder, "Your power of understanding is baffling my dear friend."

Unperturbed, the manager sets the item aside and grabs the next one.

"Now this next addition is extremely nifty." she begins.

"And by 'nifty' you mean 'completely useless'?" Tourniquet asks and the manager just looks at him a long, uncomfortable moment before finally continuing.

"Now this," She holds up a box of what could most probably be a box of tissues. "Is Flem's Brand Edible Tissues. Extremely useful when you blow your nose and then realize that there is no waste basket around!"

This time Cutter is forced to raise his hand.

"Yes Cutter?" She asks warily and he stands up.

"I'm making bagels." He announces proudly.

Silence.

"Umm....... okay....... Now this last item is an amazing invention." She holds up a small microwave dinner. "Behold! The newest innovation to quick and easy meals for home! Self-Chewing Food!" She proclaims and many are in shock and awe.

With Tourniquet's hand was waving like a helicopter blade in the back.

"Grrr, what is it THIS TIME Tourniquet?" She spits venomously and the shaking Tourniquet stands up, "Can I ask what the advertising is going to be?"

The manager blushes, "Well, it's still in need of improvement, but for now the ad will say 'Cummin's Brand Self-Chewing Micro Meals' with the slogan, 'All you've got to do is swallow'."

Tourniquet just stands there.

"I...... really don't need to say anything do I? It sort of condemns itself doesn't it?" He says, slightly lost.

Suddenly the fire alarms start blaring and smoke begins to billow in from the other room. Cutter bounces to his feet with a gleeful laugh, "Bagels are done!"