Sunday, June 10, 2012

Eighteenth Shift.

The store emanated with a silence unknown to most retail stores that fateful evening Ear Ache and I stocked the shelves in aisle seven, otherwise referred upon as ‘The place where the cereal is’ by most victims and incontinent employees who can’t count without suffering from dyslexia or some other stupid affliction.

As I piled one box after another of some distasteful cereal called Fuck-O’s with Ear Ache smashing empty boxes with his face behind me neither one of us even thought that the night was about to take the turn it was about to.

“Tourney! Over here!” Cutter calls from across the aisle, earning a perked ear and an exasperated sigh as I wandered over to him. “What is it?” I query and Cutter immediately stands up straight and flashes a quick salute. “Supervisor has ordered you and Ear Ache to move to intimates!” He shouts and smiles, leaving me with a raised eyebrow. “Now why would she ask that? I’ve never worked that aisle, and Ear Ache, well he hasn’t worked it since he started eating the tampons.”

Cutter just shrugs before patting my head. “Well it’s not my call, I’m just the bloody messenger, the Supervisor just decided you were the best replacement since the chick already working that aisle decapitated the other employee she was working with.” I’m feeling the steady frown on my face swiftly increase in volume. “Well isn’t that great…” I mutter and Cutter laughs.

“I’m sure you’ll have fun! Now if you excuse me, I get to go tell the fuck in aisle ten that he’s fired!” Cutter whips out a pistol from his pants and cocks it with a wicked grin. “This is my favourite part of every shift.” He chuckles before taking off.

“Well I guess we better get our arses to intimates.” I growl in annoyance as I turn to Ear Ache who had already started eating the Fruit Loops, box and all. At my words he stops chewing on the box that hung half opened in his mouth, uttering a shrill scream and he was then lumbering after me as I started towards aisle fourteen without a word.

Upon passing aisle ten and getting a good glimpse of Cutter sodomizing the corpse of an employee whose brains had been sprayed all over the canned food I couldn’t help but rub my neck anxiously at the thought of what awaited me. A few more aisles down and my fears are only solidified as I come upon the Janitors that kept Every Mart in it’s… err… pristine state.

Goblyn, Troll, Oger, Golemn and Redcap; the tight-knit group of janitors who do the jobs that every other employee would rather slit their own wrists than take part in. The worst part about them though would have to be the grotesque enjoyment they contrive in mopping up the bile and liquids left behind from diseased victims or from one of the many accidental mishaps that occur within the store on a daily basis.

Best that they stay close to one another because it’s highly doubtful that anyone would actually call on them unless it was to report a cleanup in aisle four. A sad truth but otherwise just another example of just how cookie cutter the workplace is to a high school.

Back on track, I stopped for a moment to let the group stumble passed, Golemn, the largest, pushing the enormous mop bucket whilst Troll and Goblyn hung from its sides lashing out at anything that got close. Oger thundered by with a slim body bag slumped over his shoulder and Redcap sneered at me as he walked by, accentuating my odds of survival by tracing his finger over his irritated throat.

Ear Ache puffed out his chest behind me and Redcap’s eyes widened and he quickly whipped around and strode after his fellow janitors, barking insults at the smaller two to stop tearing at passing victims lest they wanted to follow after them and clean up the trail of blood their oozing wounds would leave behind.

I rounded my shoulders and steadied my breath before continuing on my way into the intimate’s aisle, my eyes looking passed all the missed blood spatter and lump of vein to lock onto the smirking lips of the one employee I never wanted to be paired up with.

The new chick.

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